just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
