Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
