So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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