My sheets look like a crime scene.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
