I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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