He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just blew my weed a kiss
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
