Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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