apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
