i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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