so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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