I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
