remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
