what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
