I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
