i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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