i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Less talking, more tequila
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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