I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
