Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
