We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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