She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
