Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
This house was built for laser tag.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
