been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
