sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
