i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
