I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
