I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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