I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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