I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
