bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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