I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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