shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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