There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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