Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
