I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
