Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
