no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
