Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Be still, my beating vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
