I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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