i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
