Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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