If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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