you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
