I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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