i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
