I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
