i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the condom got lost in my hair
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
