good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
