So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
