but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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