the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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