It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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