so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
