I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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