Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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