Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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