Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
